You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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