i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
