Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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