either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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