I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
