plz talk dirty to me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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