It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
