Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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