He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
