What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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