so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
