wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
