i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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