You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
