Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
