we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
