Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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