You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.