I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.