I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!