You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?