Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My breasts were aching with rage.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.