ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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