I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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