your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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