i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
