they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
