There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
