I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
