why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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