farters have to be the big spoon...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
