Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
