I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
