I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
