I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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