It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
