god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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