Im at strip club and am horny
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
