Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic