At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.