Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD