Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize