Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.