it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
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The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain