your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
