big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
