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Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
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