my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
