it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
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He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."