Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure

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  (248): Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure http://tfl.nu/x7gl
  Replies (10) Good night (1714) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.

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  (617): Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar. http://tfl.nu/mo7u
  Replies (8) Good night (3639) Bad night (580)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.

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  (864): I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe. http://tfl.nu/olye
  Replies (8) Good night (823) Bad night (2422)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

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  (786): All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber" http://tfl.nu/jvct
  Replies (49) Good night (9409) Bad night (1256)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

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  (336): he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater. http://tfl.nu/8ycg
  Replies (3) Good night (3361) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.

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  (813): If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing. http://tfl.nu/gg1f
  Replies (26) Good night (6119) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am

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  (719): Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am http://tfl.nu/os55
  Replies (5) Good night (963) Bad night (1769)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.

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  (714): I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year. http://tfl.nu/qsqv
  Replies (9) Good night (2145) Bad night (1536)
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."

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  (+33): I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes." http://tfl.nu/b971
  Replies (4) Good night (1792) Bad night (717)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay

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  (304): I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay http://tfl.nu/d341
  Replies (18) Good night (634) Bad night (1671)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.

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  (516): You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off. http://tfl.nu/6qfp
  Replies (7) Good night (1652) Bad night (548)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...

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  (630): I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night... http://tfl.nu/aiyg
  Replies (9) Good night (501) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?

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  (202): What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom? http://tfl.nu/x7t2
  Replies (9) Good night (895) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.

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  (561): I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face. http://tfl.nu/v359
  Replies (6) Good night (373) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I am thankful for thumbs.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Land dolphins.

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  (425): I am thankful for thumbs. (425): Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins. (425): Land dolphins. http://tfl.nu/9wit
  Replies (2) Good night (915) Bad night (244)

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