I must be too annoying 4 u.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?