i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
