what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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