i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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