Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
