haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
