let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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