he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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