when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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