I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
