so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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