I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
