Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
