I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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