you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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