she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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