everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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