Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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