literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is Oprah even human
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
