Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
