Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
not ubering you a puppy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
