Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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