Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
