I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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