its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
