I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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