im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
