Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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