Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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