I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
