Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
